My health journey truly kicked into high gear when I was 13 years old. I found myself, among my eighth-grade peers, feeling increasingly uncomfortable in my own skin. Painfully aware of the extra weight I was carrying on my adolescent body, my insecurity and damaged self-esteem finally pushed me to act. In the 5 months that followed, I managed to lose 45 pounds simply by moving more and improving my diet. This accomplishment was one of the most experiences of my life. With every pound I shed, my body shame slowly transformed into body confidence and it was liberating. Furthermore, my personal weight loss victory ignited my passionate curiosity and love for learning about health and nutrition, which has only continued to grow over the past 10 years.
However, during the celebration of my accomplishment and enjoying the freedom I felt in my new body, I failed to realize the vicious seed that remained planted deep within my heart. This seed was the cancerous belief that unless I changed my physical appearance, I would never be worthy of affection; I would be overlooked and ignored for the beauty my physical self did not reflect; I would never be enough. These thoughts terrified me. Even as a 13-year-old girl, I was living in the fear that unless I changed myself, I would never get married, because who could possibly love me if I was fat? It breaks my heart to think back on how enslaved I was to these lies. While I am still thankful for the improved health that accompanied my weight loss, I desperately wish I could go back in time and restart this journey – not from a place of self-disgust and fear, but from a place of self-love and gratitude for my miraculous body.
I have found great joy in the truth of Romans 8:28: “And we know that in all things, God works together for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (NIV). Even with my heart entrenched in fear and wrong motives, Jesus walked with me in my health journey. Instead of condemning me for lies I believed and the hateful thoughts I covered myself in each time I stood in front of a mirror, He used my imperfect start to awaken my passion for health. He knew my health journey would not be confined to 5 months and 45 pounds lost. Even while I was content, having reached my goal weight, God had plans to continue my journey – plans to start uprooting the lies that had grown their roots down deep in my heart.
While this hasn’t been a quick or painless process, the Lord has brought me much breakthrough along the way. But truthfully, I still have days where I fight the lie that I am not enough, and I am humbly reminded how desperately I need to abide in the truth of Jesus Christ. Although I still must take up my sword and fight, I have found so much victory in Jesus and He has taught me to fight well! As the Lord continues to grow me and challenge me to walk in newer heights of obedience and freedom in my health, I now live convinced that my health journey will never truly end. But what a gift it is to journey through life with such a gracious Savior. My hope is found in His promise:
“Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” (Philippians 1:6 NIV).